Raid on the Blood Bank

Even Godless heathens can get into the giving spirit this holiday season. We at TSB mustered up the last lingering traces of compassion from our coal-stoked hearts to visit akiba:F, a Red Cross blood donation center located in the otherwise morally bankrupt center of cloying consumerism, Akihabara.

We rolled up our sleeves, ready to make our first positive contribution to the country even as our minds raced with uncertainty. Assuming that our precious bodily fluids met Japan's regimented standards, could the nurse navigate her needle through the thick underbrush of our barbarian forearm hair? What if the recipient turned out to be a hard-line right-winger that chose death over race contamination? And would our fat gaijin hemoglobin fit through IVs intended for skinny Japanese blood cells? 

Such concerns are, in fact, behind the times. The facilities and philosophy driving them are ultra-modern, if not Apple-futuristic, wrapped in warmly curving white plastic backlit by soft neons. It took until 2012, but we finally have a functional model of the spaceport from 2001.

After signing in at the reception desk, we were led to ergonomically-designed Martini glass seats and asked to read comics until it was our turn. With baskets of snacks and an open drink dispenser, the room felt like a manga cafe on the U.S.S. Enterprise. Tea. Earl Gray. Hot. An issue of AKIRA open on my lap to kill time. Factor in vacuum-tube display cases housing figures and merch—currently a tie-in with the new Evangelion film—and it's easy to see why the center would be packed, even on a Saturday night. Otaku space has expanded into outer space, or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

The actual interview and needling process are strictly by the book and hardly worth mentioning—unless you were alive in Europe during the 80's, in which case you'll be turned away as a potential carrier of mad cow disease. Apparently infection is undetectable. Japanese ability is also a plus, if only so you don't accidentally sign-in as a needle-sharing junkie carrying Hepatitis B.

While you wait for the initial feeling of gee-whiz excitement and dizzy anemia to wear off, be sure to thumb through community sketch books filled with doodles and messages from past doners. Like trash blowing down the shoulder of the information superhighway, these journals last are the last scraps of organic communication in a digital age. Soon enough these spiral-bound pages will be replaced by drawing tablets prepped to instantly proliferate the illustrations across your choice of social media at the tap of a pen. Until then, you'll have to make do with our photographs.   

The fear of needles manifested as a Hakaijyu-looking monstrosity.

A safer and more hygienic forum to advertise to like-minded individuals than scribbling graffiti on bathroom walls.

Some also use it as a way to pimp their dojinshi circles. The blood banks overflow in the weeks leading up to Comiket.

Of course, certain artists would be better off selling their creations to private collectors.

All this piece of modern art is missing is the glass-paneled frame.

The only thing railway otaku love more than trains is the use of forced perspective.

You have free access to my veins under the stipulation that you be an amnesiac junior high school girl with an otherwise incurable disease. And call me "Onii-San."

"Give me your blood!" The Ministry of Welfare mascot Kenketsu-Kun reveals his true intentions.

Pizza of Death fan art is always welcome.

Probably also from the artist above, known only as "Unko."

The magical sunset city beyond Kadath in the cold wastes. Check out those arabesques! 

Throw in the kanji characters "献血" for "donate blood" and BAM, instant parody!

Kyun-Kyun Rock here is a fine example of collaborative works.

Proof that INITIAL D still has fans, somewhere, somehow.

Each Red Cross branch in Tokyo is customized to fit the color of its neighborhood. Kichijoji is an earth-tone hippie paradise. Shibuya offers hand massages for your sore metacarpals after a long day of carrying shopping bags. The new center in Shinjuku is lined with mannequins sporting concept fashion. Once you run out of gimmick restaurants and wacky Japan tourist traps, the only thrill left comes from sticking a needle in your arm. At least you know where these ones come from.

Von Jour Caux: The Philosopher's Stone

If use of space is one of the pillars that architectural design is built upon, than Von Jour Caux warps that very foundation.

The Philosopher's Stone contemplates the streets of Ikebukuro.

Born January 27th 1934 in Asakusa, Tokyo as Toshiro Tanaka, he studied architecture at Waseda University and the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. Following a tour of  New York and Mexico, he returned home to draft apartment, offices, and resorts—very conventional, very boring.

Seeking spiritual fulfillment, in 1971 he turned his back on the business world to reinvent himself as Von Jour Caux, leader of a troupe of artists and craftsmen known as Art Complex. They took the nouveau riche country by storm, completing over ten major projects until society’s appetite for extravagance vanished with the mid-90's housing bubble . Private residences, condominiums, nursing homes—while the decorations by gaudy, the structures themselves never be wasteful, with the Philosopher's Stone being one of their most eye-catching offerings.

Come along with us on a guided tour of the crown jewel of bizarre Tokyo architecture.

Organic insect shapes molded into the edifice.

Detail of the front.

The building is owned by the sake manufacturer Hirakiya.

The first floor is open for business and pedestrian traffic.

Sinuous snake details on the wrought iron entrance gate.

Ouroboros before he got played out.

The waiting room for your trip to a Gaudi-inspired dreamscape.

Another serpentine motif in the tiled fresco above the elevator.

The secrets of creation are well guarded—this locked door is as deep as you go.

Open-mouth ceramic tubes sprout from the walls like mushrooms.  

The hand lamps saturate the room with warm shadows.

At a distance, the slick walls shine like snakeskin.

The backrest is surprisingly ergodynamic.

Sit and ponder exactly how and why this place was built.

The project's codename was Raga Chakras, as illustrated by this  ceiling pattern informed by Hindu mandalas.

More ruminations on the origins of life.

Inscription on the outside is French for "the forest." 

Though technically a private residence, the unlocked front gate is irresistibly inviting. You're more likely to run into another shutter bug than building security. Still, we ask that you use common sense and respect the property.

Directions:
From Ikebukuro Station, head straight out of the Center East exit and proceed down the right side of the main road. On the fifth block you will pass a Detour coffee shop. Turn right at this corner and the building is down the street on your right.

Address:
Toshima-ku, Minami Ikebukuro 2-29
(豊島区南池袋2-29)
Google Map

Special thanks to Tokyo Damage Report's awesome Tokyo Tour Guide for the tip!

Biohazard Cafe & Grill S.T.A.R.S.

Name: Biohazard Cafe & Grill S.T.A.R.S.
Hours: 11:00AM-3:00PM, 5:00PM-12:00PM. (Seats rotate every two hours. Reservation required.)
Price: ¥3300 for girls, ¥3700 for guys. (Two hour course meal.)
¥300-¥650 for beers and cocktails.
Address: Shibuya Parco 1, 7th floor.
Japanese level: So long as you can make the reservations, you're golden.

 
2012 is a good year to be a Resident Evil fan. We've got Revelations to hold us over until 6 drops in October, as well as a new CG film and the latest from Paul Anderson on the horizon, both of which promise to be flaming train wrecks of entertainment. What better time to return to Raccoon City to get reacquainted with the franchise's roots over a plate of home-cooked vittles?

Recently opened Biohazard Cafe & Grill S.T.A.R.S. offers the ambiance of a sleepy Midwestern neighborhood bar, complete with a looping soundtrack of  Top 40 hits from the 90's and reformed strippers on the waitstaff. You wouldn't even know you were in a Resident Evil-themed establishment if not for the memorabilia lining the walls. That, and the life-size T-002 Tyrant replica encased in the center of the room.

The trusty typewriter and self-defense flash grenade.

Yet things aren't as homely as they seem. The second loop of Mmm Bop is suddenly drowned out by warning klaxons. Panicked caution lights strobe on and off. The creature has awakened... and is about the break out of its holding tank!


Luckily, the combat boots on the waitresses aren't just for show. The girls of Dance Team S.T.A.R.S. Angelique have been trained from the ground up by their Chief Commander-cum-former K-1 heavyweight Nicholas Pettas and Madonna back-up dancer turned choreographer Ueno Takahiro. They coolly arm themselves with the replica firearms on display and saunter into attack formation, all while keeping their rocking hips on beat to Spice Up Your Life. Critics of the first Resident Evil movie, take notice—this is what it would have looked like if the director wasn't preoccupied with Mortal Kombat.


On the other hand, an elite anti bio-terror strike force equipped with nothing more than hot pants and exposed midriffs is in line with Leon trash-talking a midget Napoleon and Chris uppercutting a two-ton boulder into submission. The real make-or-break point for a restaurant is its food.

Thankfully the first-aid spray dressing only looks like hairspray.

The course comes with all-you-can-eat “B.B.Q. Grill Raccoon-style” churrasco grilled skewers, “S.T.A.R.S. time-out” sweet Japanese curry, “Arkley-style” seafood bisque, and a mixed herb salad topped off with Vietnamese noodles (mild Jill-style for girls, spicy Barry-style for guys) and “Rebbecca's coquettish” mango pudding dessert. The menu names are stretching an already thin concept. At ¥4000+ per head I was expecting more in terms of presentation and value. Is it really too much to ask for a brain souffle? At least take Fiona Apple off repeat.

Last year's Shooting Bar EA offered up a more authentic Resident Evil dining experience coupled with commemorative take-home glasses and an airsoft range where you blast B.O.W.s. In contrast Biohazard Cafe & Grill S.T.A.R.S. offers heartburn and a lot of awkward laughs. Not that I regret going. From the original tank controls to goofy retcons and cringe-inducing adaptations, the series has always demanded a certain degree of immunity through suspension of belief. Just be sure that your wallet is prepared to survive the horror.

FINAL JUDGMENT
Food: 2/5 (Too pricey for the quality.)
Service: 2/5 (Part-time dancers should be faster on their feet.)
Ambiance: 1/5 (I'd rather go to Lockup.)
What IS this?: 5/5 (Some doors are better left unlocked.)

Shooting Bar AE: Resident Evil 15th Anniversary Collaboration

Name: Shooting Bar EA
Hours: 5:00PM-1:00AM.
Price: ¥600-¥1200 for appetizers.
¥500 for shotgun shell shooters; beer and cocktails from ¥600.
Events: Airsoft shooting gallery. ¥500 for 3-4 magazines/~70 shots.
Address: 1-5-5  Gotenyama, Sawada Building 2F, Musashino-Shi Tokyo (From Kichijoji station, take the South Exit and travel west towards the intersection. Turn left down Kichijoji Doori road and the bar will be on your right after a short walk.)
Japanese Level: Basic conversational ability recommended if you want to suit up for the shooting range.




The CDC’s recent article on surviving a zombie apocalypse is essential reading for anyone who hopes to live through the coming rapture, though it leaves out one critical element—weapon training! In particular, close-range shooting with small firearms. Every bullet counts when you’re facing down an undead horde, and if you go in unprepared you’ll wish you had saved the last one for yourself.



Don’t despair! Shooting Bar AE and Capcom have teamed up for the 15th Anniversary of Resident Evil and upcoming release of The Mercenaries 3D to bring you a fully stocked armory just waiting to dismember the franchise’s most iconic monsters and get your marksmanship up to survival speed.



Though Japanese law bans the right to bear arms, restriction has bred innovation in the form of true-to-life model guns indistinguishable from the real thing. The Kichijoji-based Shooting Bar EA lets you get hands-on with their awe-inspiring equipment. You don’t need to be a gun freak to get your rocks off, though the experience might turn you into one.

Decisions, decisions. Do you head straight for the firing range, or do you first loosen up your trigger finger with Resident Evil-themed cocktails?

Green, blue, and red flavor-dip won't actually cure a zombie bite, but the Mixed Herb Cocktail can help you forget the pain.

Inoculate yourself against the plague with T-Virus and G-Virus vaccines.

Shotgun shell shots go straight to your head.

Umbrella-brand painkillers are there to help nurse your hangover the morning after.

Sorry buddy, the kitchen's fresh out of braaaaaaains... But there are overpriced novelty appetizers!
(Courtesy of our partner in grime from I Live on Another Planet.)

The “Itchy Tasty Brains” shrimp risotto lived up to its name, though it may have been my shellfish allergy acting up.

Sadly, there's no Jill Sandwich, but there is Tofu Survivor.

Pio-Hazard was a delicious, meat-filled pun. (Resident Pastry to Western audiences.)

This R.P.D. cosplayer posing with Leon's custom Desert Eagle brought out every camera in the house and with it new meaning to the term "shooting gallery."

To be clear, this guy isn't one of the staff. He just parades around like this for kicks when he's not lighting people up in the field with airsoft pellets.

Resident Evil: The Shooting will continue through June 19th. If you find yourself along the Chuo Line it's well worth your time to poke your head in, if just to take in the ambiance and neuter some bloodthirsty cultists. Boom, "head" shot!